Did you really think it was over? It’s never over.
Yes, your favorite serial online dater is back with yet another installment of “Confessions of a Tinderella” and this one is brimming with false hope and disappointment – for your reading pleasure!
My latest dalliance with Tinder started over the summer. I was working a boring 9-5 desk job and desperately needed some cheering up. Also, my fellow interns ended up on Tinder as well and that became a common talking point for us. I was also hungry and was hoping to score some free food out of it, although, chivalry is quite dead on Tinder. But really, what should I have expected? Anyway, I went on a couple dates this time but mostly just texted guys that I never ended up meeting with. So cool.
ANYWAY. On with the stories.
DATE #1: THE FUNNY MAN
So I decided this guy was going to be really cool because he was a standup comedian and all that jazz. So I urged my friend to come with me to see one of his standup shows at a local bar. So we sit and we watch his act and I decide he’s going to be pretty cool. Well, not quite. The problem wasn’t him at all it was totally me (see, I can admit it). Turns out, he was WAY more into my friend than me. The cherry on top? His friend was also WAYYYYY MORE into my friend too! So I pretty much just sat there and felt sorry for myself. So that was muy sad. Lesson learned: don’t bring friends on dates with you if they’re prettier and/or cooler than you.
DATE #2: BLAST FROM THE PAST
The second date happened a couple days later, I wasted no time reverting back to my Tinderella ways. This guy happened to live in my dorm, or, excuse me, residence hall, my freshman year of college. We went to Biergarten and made fun of Donald Trump which was great. Then, I drove him home and he asked if he could see me again and I said yes. Except he never did call. I’m beginning to think that I smelled bad or maybe he actually does like Donald Trump. I guess I’ll never know.
DATE #3: ANOTHER BLAST FROM THE PAST
Okay, so this one happened a couple months before but I still think it’s noteworthy. Moral of the story: I think I was way hotter freshman year of college than I am now. Anyway. I met this guy in my dorm freshman year and long story short he was stupid drunk and spilled Fireball on my pink jeans. Party foul. Then my friends and I stole said Fireball and I didn’t see him much again. So, we match on Tinder 3 years later and decide to meet up because we already (sort of) know each other. So, we have this awesome time kayaking on a lake and then he makes me a steak (key to my heart is meat, seriously) and then we talk for an hour or two. I think it goes well but as most of these things go, I don’t hear from him. It’s like he just vanished or died or something. Maybe my timing was off or maybe I forgot to shower yet again!!!!
DATE #4: THE “TWO WEEK STAND”
This guy charmed me with his witty jokes and his knowledge of grammar. However, I read the signs all wrong. I genuinely thought dinner, texting all day every day, having 40-minute phone conversations, having sleepovers and all that junk was leading to one direction: relationship. He even met my roommates! I remember being so hopeful that something or someone was finally going to work out for me, but that was wrong to think. The last time we hung out he said: “this is so crazy that this is going to be the last time we ever hang out.” As soon as those words left his mouth I’m pretty sure I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. All I wanted to do was leave while I still had a shred of dignity. I thought “why would you put this much effort into this if you were just going to peace out at the end of the summer?” C’est la vie.
It’s important to note that I’m not trying to blast these people (hence, why I omit names). Of course they have perfectly legitimate reasons for not texting back or not wanting a second date. Writing these blogs are more cathartic for me because I hope that the ones who read these understand how this feels. I don’t think it’s actually possible, for me at least, to have a legitimate connection with anyone found online. But, more power to those who have found that person. Maybe the stars aren’t aligned at the moment or maybe it’s because Mercury is retrograde right now. I just kinda feel like that shrug emoji dude right now: